It's been a while since I have blogged. I'm a little rusty, a little out of practice. I have been keeping my thoughts near to be, bottling them up, trying to make them make sense. But as I put fingers back to keys, I remember why I began a blog in the first place. Because in putting my thoughts down, they begin to make sense. When I look at black on white, I see something concrete, something that has been put into words, more than just a fleeting emotion or feeling, but a thought, one that makes sense, and one that eventually hooks on to another and makes a train of thought that can be followed, by others, but most especially myself.
It has been too long since I've allowed myself to just type about the things upon my heart. I began to blog for other people, I think, to make myself look good, spouting off my "Christianese" even as I shouted that we needed to stop. Now, as I falter, I realize that I began blogging for me, and I quit because I was blogging for others.
But now I am back, this time for me, to bleed thoughts and emotions onto (figurative) paper, to make sense of the things that plague me, to write, once again, for me, and no one else. So I am moving back in, back to my blogspot, because I like the green grassy l layout that makes me think of earth, and fits so well my "Heartbeat on the Prairie" title. And I am reminded that I do, in fact, have a beating heart within my chest, one that God loves, unconditionally, graciously, no matter how far I have strayed. I am being reminded, slowly, that, though it feels like I have wandered, I have never really left home. I am still on the prairie, and God is still here, on the prairie, with me. The truth is, I have not wandered too far.
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